This post is not about the motivations of the characters in any of my creations which all seem to be faltering horribly. This post is about actual human (those who exist and aren’t constructs of our imagination – I want go into the possibility that we are all constructs of a higher powers’ imagination – maybe another day) motivation and why mine seems to have disappeared.
Not only my motivation to write which seems to have evaporated but my motivation to do anything at all. For some reason, the only thing I want to do is to collapse in front of the television/pool turn into a vegetable and not move for several weeks, if ever. My career is not what I had expected or wanted, but we all knew that. My dream has always been to become a professional author and I might die without achieving my goal but hell I’ve never stopped trying. But the last few months have been so difficult to motivate myself to write anything past four hundred words.
I’m not sure what the problem could be other than the fact that I’m working on the same stories and novels I was busy on three years ago. I know they need to be perfected but it can be incredibly frustrating that nothing seems to have changed. I did start a new work which I called Lords of the Apocalypse but after weeks of poor review figures in my writing group, it has made me a little despondent about the story. I went back to another story which I’d been working on for almost ten years but any passion which I might have felt for the story seems to have burnt out long ago.
I’ve also been working on Pecan Hill again (and still). It’s been slow work but this is now my sixth or seventh pass on the story and it’s difficult to carry on pushing forward. Do I drop it in my trunk and carry on? The only problem is it’s the same as a siren’s call and I can’t help but to keep coming back to try and perfect it.